Pieces
by SVUlover
Summary: In the aftermath of the shooting, Elliot's run away, not wanting to face anyone. But, what he didn't know was that he left Olivia hurting, alone, and pregnant. When he finally finds out and comes back, can he pick up all the pieces left in the aftermath?
1. One

**Hello! Yes, another new story. My idea mill is just on the run lately, because I've been watching episodes of SVU on Netflix a lot recently. ****Let me know what you guys think of this story, and I'll try to update quickly! Latley, I've been banging out a chapter and a half a day, so hopefully that keeps up! I hope you guys like it, please enjoy and leave a review with thoughts!**

**Enjoy!**

**-Jen**_**  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><em>"El it's Liv...again. Will you please just call me back? I'm worried, and running away from this isn't going to help you. You didn't do anything wrong. It's been four weeks so...please just call me back."<em>

That was the fifth voice mail she'd left for him that day. She knew him enough to know that it was unlikely he'd respond, but she had to do something. It had been four weeks since the shooting, three weeks since she'd gotten a new partner and since Cragen had told her he'd resigned.

In the week after it had happened, she hadn't heard from him at all, until on Saturday he showed up at her apartment, drunk. As it would happen, she'd been drinking too. Though that night wasn't all clear in her mind, she knew what happened. Sometimes, she had a hard time processing it, but it had happened.

They had sex. And even though she'd wanted that for longer than she cared to admit, she could deal with that. Even though she felt awful for being the woman Elliot slept with when he was married, she could deal with that. What she couldn't deal with, though, was that he was gone when she woke up the next morning, and hadn't contacted her since. It was Cragen that had told her the day after that he'd resigned, without even telling her.

"Olivia." She looked up from where she was, sitting in the cribs. She'd been sitting on a bunk, staring down at her phone, as though willing it to ring with an incoming call from him. It was Cragen that stood at the door, looking at her with that look. "Liv," He said gently, walking over and sitting beside her, "What are you doing?"

She didn't answer, but she didn't have to because he knew. "Liv, leaving him hundreds of messages isn't going to make him come back."

"I don't care if he comes back, I just want him to take my damn calls. I want him to talk to me, that's all I want." She said. "We were partners for twelve years, he was my best friend. You'd think that would warrant a call, or even just a damn email! But no, I haven't gotten anything."

"Liv, you know how he is." He said, "He was messed up after it happened. He just needs time."

She had nothing more to say, so she remained silent. He sighed, and said, "Liv, go home."

"I can do my job, Don," She said, looking up at him.

"I know, Liv. I never said you couldn't. But he was more than just a partner to you. More than a best friend, maybe. You're hurting, so take some time. Just take an early day, Liv. Come back in the morning."

"He's married." She said, looking up at him. "I respected that." Until recently.

"I know, Liv. I never said you didn't. I just mean that he meant a lot to you. Please, Liv, go."

"Fine." She said, before getting up, and heading back down to her desk. Without a word to anyone, she grabbed her stuff from her desk, and left the precinct. She began walking the few blocks to her apartment, but at the last minute, made a split second decision.

Hailing a cab, she gave the driver Elliot's address in Queens.

It took a half hour, but before the knew it, she was outside Elliot's house. It looked like Kathy had just pulled up, as she was getting out of her car, and reaching into the back to get four year old Eli from his car seat.

She paid the driver and got out, slowly walking up. Kathy straightened, the toddler balanced on her hip, and she looked at her. "Olivia." Kathy said once she was closer. "How are you?"

"Alright." Olivia said. "How are you?"

"The same." Kathy said. "What brings you here?"

"I need to see Elliot." She said.

A look passed over Kathy's face, and her response was not one Olivia expected.

"Why don't you come in?" She said, and began heading for the house. Surprised, Olivia followed her. Once Kathy had settled Eli in the playroom, she led Olivia to the kitchen, and offered her a drink. Olivia declined, and Kathy then gestured to the couch in the living room, and they both sat down.

"Is he here?" Olivia asked.

"No, Olivia, he's not." Kathy said.

Olivia was silent for a moment, before saying, "Kathy, I need to tell you something. A week after the shooting, Elliot showed up at my apartment. He was drunk, and I'd been drinking too. I know that's no excuse but uh...we slept together. And I'm sorry that it happened, I never meant for it to. I never wanted to disrespect you or your marriage."

Kathy was silent for a long time, but when she spoke it wasn't with anger or hatred. "Thank you for telling me that, Olivia. Not many people would. I want you to know, though that you didn't sleep with a married man. A day after the shooting happened, Elliot left and came back with divorce papers. Things have been rocky for a while and...I guess that just drove him over the edge. He's come by a few times to see the kids, and he calls."

"Do you know where he's staying?" Olivia asked, "I need to talk to him. He just left right after it happened and I need to talk to him."

"Olivia, I'm really sorry he just left and that he's not returning your calls...but he made me swear not to tell anyone at all. He wants to be left alone to figure things out. I'm sorry." She said, and Olivia knew she meant it.

She sighed, knowing Kathy wouldn't tell her, and nodded. "Thanks. Listen, next time you see him...could you please just tell him I really need to talk to him."

"I'll try to get him to call." Kathy said.

"Thank you. Have a good night." Olivia said, and showed herself out, needing to get out of there. She walked for a few blocks, needing the fresh air, before she hailed a cab, and gave the address of her apartment.

She made it all the way back to her building, and up to her apartment, before she began to cry. Numbly, she changed into sweats and crawled into bed. A desperate attempt, she tried one last time, dialing his number. This time, it only rung once, meaning he'd seen her call and ignored it. Angry, she called again, and this time, he picked up.

"Liv," He said, not even saying hello, "For God's sake, take a damn hint! I don't want to talk to you, so leave me alone, will you?" He snapped, before she was again greeted with the dial tone.

Crying harder, she hung up and tossed the phone onto the night stand. She'd been telling everyone she wanted to talk to him about the shooting, tell him it wasn't his fault, and be there for him. But there was something more, much more. She felt betrayed. Rejected. Disgusting. Was he really that grossed out that he slept with her, that he'd pick up and leave without a word to her? That he wouldn't see, or talk to her?

She hoped that he knew that it wasn't only his life in pieces right now, it was hers too. She was in pieces. One part wanted to go to him, and hug him, and tell him it was ok. Another wanted to smack him across the face for being such a douche bag. And yet another wanted to sink into him in tears, and tell him that she was scared, so scared, because she knew now that her missed period and constant nausea were not just signs of stress.

A pregnancy test had confirmed that this morning.


	2. Two

**Hi! Here's chapter number two =) Thanks so much for the reviews, you guys rock and I'm glad that you like this! I hope you enjoy chapter two! Let me know what you think, please!**

**-Jen**_**  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><strong><em>Wednesday, June 29, 2011<em>**  
><strong><em>(Two weeks later)<em>**

Over the next two an a half weeks, Olivia discovered that even though she was getting what she'd always wanted, she still felt like crap. With each day that passed without a call or some from of contact from Elliot, she felt worse and worse. As her pain grew, though, so did her anger. She was finally going to have a baby, but she could barley be happy about it because of him.

She was now five and a half weeks along. She had yet to get it confirmed by a doctor, which she knew that she should. She just couldn't bring herself to do it. When she'd imagined being pregnant, that fantasy had always included a husband, a boyfriend even (usually Elliot). She'd dreamed of having someone to go to all the appointments with her, share the joy with her. But instead, he'd skipped town and wouldn't talk to her, so she'd have to go alone. She didn't want to go alone, not for this. One of her more cliche female dreams, but she wanted it all.

Despite having no doctor confirmation, she just knew. She could just feel that something was different, and she just...knew. The constant nausea, constant peeing, sore breasts, and complete exhaustion helped her case. Plus that positive store test.

She had yet to tell anyone about how she was expecting, because part of her wanted to tell him first. She refused to think about the fact that he may never come back, that wasn't an option. He had to. But she knew it may be weeks or months, and that eventually people would just know. And she also knew that when it came to Don, it would be better for him to hear it from her, rather than see it at her stomach expanded.

Currently, she was in the lady's room at work (for what felt like the one millionth time that day), having just finished washing her hands, she was fixing her hair in the mirror.

"Liv, you coming?" Olivia jumped, and turned to see Casey standing at the door. Don, the detectives, and Casey were all going to dinner together, to celebrate Don's birthday. He'd insisted they shouldn't, but they'd all made him.

"Yea," Olivia said, taking one last look, before joining her friend, heading back into the squad room to grab her purse and coat.

Fifteen minutes later, the party of seven (Fin, Munch, Amaro, Rollins, Don, Casey, and Olivia) were seated at a large table in the Italian restaurant. Everyone was talking and laughing as they read over the menus, but Olivia was quiet. It smelled delicious in the building, but all it did was make her stomach churn more than it had all day.

Their waiter showed up to take drink orders, everyone ordering some kind of alcoholic beverage. Olivia went last, and just ordered water, knowing she couldn't drink. As the waiter left, she was getting strange looks from everyone, with the exceptions of the two new additions to the group.

"Since when do you turn down wine, Liv?" Fin asked, looking concerned.

She shrugged. "Just not in the mood." She said, but then couldn't take in anymore. "Excuse me...bathroom." She said, getting up from the table, hurrying for the restroom.

She went into a stall, expecting to puke, but after a few minutes, nothing happened. She slowly made her way to the sinks, thankful the restroom was empty. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, and did what she'd been doing every few days, regardless of what he'd said when he'd rudely answered her call. She dialed his number, and as always it went right to voice mail.

"Olivia?"

She turned to see Casey coming in to the bathroom, looking concerned.

"Hey, sorry I was just coming back." She said. "Let's go."

"No, wait," Casey said, putting a hand on her arm to stop her. "Liv...is everything ok?"

"Of course, why wouldn't it be?" Olivia shrugged, trying to smile.

"Well besides the obvious reason of Elliot leaving I just...look, don't get mad, ok?" Casey said. "But...is there anyway that you're pregnant? I mean, you look pale and sick all the time, you pee every five minutes, you're a lot more tired lately. And you won't drink alcohol." She stated.

Olivia was silent, cursing in her head. Of course Casey would figure it out, she was a woman, and her own sister had just recently had a baby. In reality, Olivia admitted, Casey was that closest girlfriend that she had. Maybe the only one, really. She knew that she could trust her to keep this a secret from everyone, and though she wished Elliot could be the one she told first...she just had to tell someone, she needed someone to talk to.

"Liv?" Casey prodded gently.

Swallowing back the lump in her throat, Olivia lifted her head up to look at the lawyer, shrugging. "The pregnancy test I took says there is."

It took a minute to sink in, but then Casey's eyes widened. "Oh My God, Liv." She said, sounding unsure of whether to sound happy or sad for her. Either way, she pulled her into a hug, because it seemed like she needed some form of comfort. "Should I saw congratulations, or I'm sorry?" She asked quietly as they pulled apart.

Olivia shrugged again, sitting on the bench against the wall. "Both, I guess." She said. "I mean...Case, this is everything I've ever wanted," She admitted, "I've wanted to be a mother for so long. But at the same time...not like this. This is all wrong, but so right at the same time."

"Can I ask...who the father is?" Casey asked, though part of her had a hunch.

"It's probably the person you think it is..." She allowed. "I know everyone thinks we had so much more than we did. It was a one night stand. He was drunk, I was tipsy. It was a week after he shot Jenna." She said, finally admitting it. "He was divorced by then, though!" She was quick to add. "He was divorced, and that was the first time."

"Does he know?" Casey inquired.

"He wasn't spoken to me since we had sex, Casey. He left, I don't know where he is. Kathy won't tell me, and he won't answer any of my calls." She said. "I don't know what I did!" She exclaimed, finally letting the tears spill over. "We slept together, and he won't even talk to me? I've had that happen before, but from Elliot? He's been my best friend for twelve years, Casey!" She exclaimed.

"I know," She said, hugging Olivia again. "You know how he is, Liv. When things get to be too much, he leaves. He's handing things in his way, and not realizing what affect they might be having on others...on you. Look, we don't have much time because we should get back, but how about after this, we can talk? You sound like you need someone to talk to."

Olivia nodded, admitting that she did. Big time.

"Ok, good," Casey said, handing Olivia a tissue from the box on the counter. "Have you seen a doctor?"

She shook her head, avoiding her gaze as she said, "I just...I don't want to go alone."

Casey reached down and took her hand, and gently promised, "You don't have to. What if I go with you?"

Olivia nodded slowly. "Sure. Yea...that'd be good." She said.

"Ok." Casey said, smiling encouragingly. "It's gunna be ok, Liv." She said reassuringly.

Feeling better having told someone, Olivia nodded a little, before she stood. She hugged Casey tightly. "Thanks, Case." She said, feeling as though a weight were lifted off of her shoulders.

"That's what friends are for, Liv." Casey said quietly. "Remember that. I'm here for you, ok?"

Olivia nodded. "Thanks."

They pulled apart, and Olivia quickly checked herself in the mirror, making sure she looked ok.

"Alright," she said, "Let's go."

Together, Olivia and Casey headed back to the table. Everyone quieted as they both sat down again, and when Olivia looked up, all eyes were on her

"You ok, Olivia?" Don asked.

She nodded. "Yea, I'm fine. Just...girl stuff." She said. That would easily pass off as her being hormonally out of balance cause of her period, and if they added in the whole Elliot stress on top, it made perfect sense. It worked, and he nodded, everyone shrugging it off.

The night wore on, and no one mentioned anything again, but she did see Don giving her some strange looks. She wasn't showing yet, since she was only five weeks, but she only had limited time before she'd have to tell everyone. Casey she could handle, but once everyone knew, it would only make this seem more real.

xXxXx

He sat on the beach, watching as his phone rang, her name showing up on the caller ID. He wanted to be angry at her, yell at her again to take a hint and leave him alone, that he didn't want her help or anything so to stop. But he couldn't, because deep down, even he knew it was a lie.

In reality, he wanted to be with her. He wanted to be with her so badly it hurt sometimes. But he just couldn't. He didn't know what to do with himself anymore, after what he'd done to poor, young Jenna.

Every time he was idle, all he could think about was how it felt as he held her in his arms, feeling her life leave her body. Her young life, that he took. That would lead him to thinking about his children. He had a daughter about her age...what if that had been her? An innocent young life, taken too soon. Then, thinking about his kids inevitably led to Kathy. He felt guilty for leaving her, again. But he just couldn't do it anymore, pretend that they were happy and meant to be when they clearly weren't. In the hours after it happened, she just suffocated him, telling him useless things that did nothing but make him feel worse. He'd had to get out of that house, and then in extension, he'd wanted out of that city.

The city wasn't good for him, not anymore. It was too busy, and filled with everything that was work. He'd given Kathy the papers, and he'd left. He was at his mothers.

Well, he hadn't just left. He spent a week there, in the city, in a hotel, trying to figure things out. He'd spent one night at the bar, drinking a little too much, and that had brought him to her apartment.

He knew everyone including coworkers, his ex wife, and even sometimes his kids thought he'd been with Olivia secretly, but he hadn't. Sure, they both knew deep down thy wanted it. They shamelessly flirted all the time, dancing around each other in a way that was not typical of normal partners. They were never normal partners though. From day one, there was always something more there, something that grew with each passing day. She was his best friend, and he was hers. They needed each other to function, to be ok in this messed up world they both lived in. They wanted each other more than that, but there was always something in the way.

He don't know what possessed him to go there that night, after avoiding her for a week, and then what possessed him to kiss her, possessed him to take things further. But whatever it was, it happened, and he just couldn't deal with that, on top of everything else.

He supposed it had only been a ticking time bomb, he himself. As everything built up and built up, it had been inevitable, this outcome.

"Elliot," His mother called from the house, "Dinner's ready!"

He also didn't know why he'd come back here, of all places, but it felt right, for the most part.

He sighed, getting up from the sand, bending down to pick up the phone. He had a text message now, from Olivia, asking him to please call. He deleted it, like all the others, and slid his phone in his pocket as he headed up to the house.

All he knew right now was that when he'd pulled his gun that day at the precinct, trying to save the lives of all the other people Jenna could have taken out, when he'd shot her...he lost a lot more than just his job. Lately, it was like he'd lost himself, like he lost his life, because it was currently just a mess around him that he didn't know how to start putting back together.


	3. Three

**Chapter number three for you all :) Thanks so much for all the reviews, so glad you're all liking this! Please go to my profile, and a little ways down you'll find a **_link that will show you the banner_** my friend Lindsey made for me! Let me know what you think of the banner, and the chapter! Enjoy!  
><strong>

**-Jen**_**  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><strong><em>Saturday, July 9th, 2011<em>**  
><strong><em>(1.5 weeks later)<em>**

The day after the birthday dinner for Don, Olivia called her OB/GYN to schedule an appointment, which she got for almost two weeks later.

It was July 9th when, with Casey by her side, she walked up to the receptionist desk and gave her name, then sat in one of the chairs in the waiting room. She tried to be still but couldn't, her leg kept bouncing up and down. There were three other women in the waiting room as well, each in various stages of pregnancy. One had a barley there bump, one looked about to pop, and the other was in between. They all had men with them, all had wedding rings on their fingers.

"Liv," Casey said after a few minutes, reaching out to stop her leg from bouncing. "Chill out!"

"Sorry." Olivia said, sighing.

"Hey...you're not the first women to be single and pregnant." Casey said softly.

Olivia ignored her, not saying anything else until a nurse came to the door, calling out, "Benson?"

"Do you want me to wait here?" Casey asked, and Olivia shook her head quickly. She stood, and Casey followed her.

"Hi, Detective Benson, I'm Kim, Doctor Carson's new nurse." The red head nurse said, shaking her hand.

"Nice to meet you," Olivia murmured, stomach churning "Call me Olivia, please."

Kim then turned to Casey, extending her hand. She shook it and said, "Casey Novak...I'm her friend, just here for moral support."

Kim nodded in understanding. "Ok, Olivia I I just need to check you height and weight, and then we'll do a test to confirm your home test, and I'll need to ask you some medical history question. Doctor Carson will come in with the results afterwards, and to do the rest of the exam.."

Olivia nodded, and went through the routine height and weight check, then had to go pee in a cup, before Kim brought her back to the examination room.

"Ok, you've probably answered these questions before buy we do them again just for the sake of making sure." Kim said, pulling up her files on the computer in the room. "For starters, when was the date of your last period, and the estimated date of conception?"

Olivia told her, ending with, "And May 22 is the only possible date of conception."

"Were you on any form of hormonal birth control when you conceived?" Kim asked next. "The pill, the patch, the shot..."

"No. Nothing." Olivia said.

"Have you ever been pregnant before?"

"No."

It went on and on, asking about her family's medical history, any medications she was on, and so on. "Ok, well the test should be done soon, I'll go tell Doctor Carson you're ready." Kim said, finally leaving.

In the silence after she left, Casey asked, "Why weren't you on birth control?"

"After my last semi-serious relationship ended, when the prescription ran out I just never bothered to refill it." Olivia shrugged. "It didn't seem necessary."

Casey didn't get the chance to respond, because the doctor knocked, and then entered. Doctor Carson, the OB/GYN had been her doctor, for the gynecological part anyways, for years. "Hello, Olivia," The fifty-something year old doctor said, smiling, shaking her hand. "How are you?"

"Alright." Olivia said, "And you?"

"I'm well, thank you." She smiled.

"This is Casey Novak, my friend." Olivia introduced, and the doctor shook her hand.

"I'm glad to see you're not alone in this, everyone needs some good friends." Doctor Carson smiled. "I don't know whether you want a congratulations or not, but you are definitely pregnant, Olivia." She said gently.

Even though she'd known it, hearing the doctor say it with finality made it really sink in. She was pregnant. She was having a baby.

"You know you do have options," The doctor said quickly when Olivia didn't say anything.

"No," Olivia shook her head, "No, I'm having the baby. I'm keeping it, I-I want it." She said. In the chair across from her against the wall, Casey smiled.

"Alright," Doctor Carson said. "Then we'll do an ultrasound in a little bit, to get a first look. When did you have your last physical with your primary care doctor?"

"Two months ago, everything checked out good." Olivia said.

"Ok, good, and our records say your last test was only a few months ago, and everything was normal. I'll have Kim come back to draw some blood to send for the lab, it's routine to check blood type, check for anemia, syphilis, hepatitis, and chicken pox immunity. It's a routine thing. Now, you're thirty-eight, and with anyone over thirty-five, we usually advise seeking a genetic counselor, to determine whether or not an amniocentesis should be done. That's completely up to you, of course, but you are aware that the risks for disorders suck as Down syndrome increases when the mother is older." The doctor advised.

Olivia nodded, "Ok, I'll look into it." She said.

"Ok. When you make your second appointment at the reception desk, they'll give you a folder with information about healthy eating and exercise habits, as well as what medications you should avoid. As you get further along in your pregnancy, you're going to need to lay off going around the city chasing criminals, and stick to desk work more, as well."

"I figured. I'll talk to my boss." Olivia nodded.

"Olivia," Doctor Carson said gently, putting a hand comfortingly on her shoulder, "Are you ok?"

Olivia looked up at her, and nodded. "Yea. I'm fine...just overwhelmed, I guess."

The doctor nodded understandingly. "It's a lot to take in, I know. But it'll be ok, we're here to help you every step of the way. If you have any questions or concerns, you can call the office whenever you want. Ok?" She asked gently.

Olivia nodded, "Yea. I'll be fine." She smiled.

"Ok. I'm going to send Kim in to draw some blood, and I'll get the ultrasound technician ready for you. I have another appointment, and we're pretty much done. Do you have any questions for me?"

After thinking carefully, Olivia shook her head. "Not right now."

"Ok, well remember to call if you think of any, and make an appointment for four weeks from today." Doctor Carson said. "I'll see you then." She said, shaking Olivia's hand.

"Nice to meet you, Ms. Novak," She added, shaking Casey's hand. "Have a great day, ladies." She said, before leaving.

Olivia let out a breath of air, and looked at Casey. "I'm having a baby." She said. "Holy crap."

Casey laughed a little, nodding. "That was my sister's reaction."

So many what ifs were on the tip of Olivia's tongue, the first one being what if she couldn't do this. She never got to voice that, though, because Kim knocked and came in, carrying the supplies to collect blood.

It only took a few minutes before two vials of blood were labeled and sitting beside Olivia, and Kim pressed gauze and tape over the needle site. "Alright, that's all done. Now you two can follow me to the ultrasound room."

She led them down the hall, were a woman was waiting at the door.

"Olivia, Casey, this is one of our ultrasound technicians, Molly. Molly, this is Olivia Benson, she's about seven weeks along, and her friend, Casey." Kim said. "If you have no questions, I'll leave you to Molly."

"I'm all set." Olivia nodded, getting excited for the ultrasound.

"Alright, well if you come up with any questions, give the office a call. Congratulations and good luck, Olivia." Kim smiled, shaking both of their hands before leaving.

Molly led the way into the room. "Ok, Olivia you have a seat up here, and lift your shirt up over your stomach, and we'll get started," She said brightly.

Olivia did as she asked, and soon, Molly was squirting the cold blue gel onto her stomach. "Is this your first?" Molly asked conversationally.

"Yep," Olivia said, as the technician began rolling the transducer around. She was silent for a few moments, and then all of a sudden, she stood, smiling.

"If you'll excuse me a moment, I need to go grab Doctor Carson." She said, leaving.

"Wait, is something wrong?" Olivia asked, scared now. "Casey, what's wrong?"

"I don't know," Casey said, "I'm sure every thing's fine, Olivia, calm down." Casey assured her, taking her hand. "Don't stress out."

Molly came back with Doctor Carson quickly, and all smiled, the doctor took a seat in the stool, picking up the transducer. "It's nothing to worry about, Olivia," She assured her, as she looked at the screen as it came into focus. "Molly just wanted me to double check, and let me tell you."

"Tell me what?" Olivia asked, "Is the baby ok?"

"Everything looks perfect, Olivia," The doctor assured her, smiling. She turned the screen projecting the images towards her. "Take a look."

Olivia looked at the black and white image on the screen. It was tiny, so tiny, and looked nothing like a baby yet, it was amazing to think what it would look like when it came out. She smiled, but then her eyes saw it. Casey got it before she did, she was grinning, her grip on Olivia's hand tightening as the doctor smiled and said, "Congratulations, Olivia. You're having fraternal twins!"

xXxXx

Olivia was still in shock twenty minutes later as she sat in the passenger seat of Casey's car. The doctor had pointed out the two different babies, inside the two separate amniotic sacks. Two babies. Twins.

"Olivia?" Casey said, "Say something!"

"Twins!" She gasped out, looking over at her. "I'm having twins, Casey! That's two babies at once!"

"I'm aware of that, Olivia." She laughed.

"How am I going to do this?" she demanded, "I can't raise two babies myself!"

"Yes you can," Casey said, "Don't let this change anything, Olivia. You want this, you said so yourself!"

"I want this with him." She whispered.

"Liv, you've wanted to be a mother for years. Don't let him ruin the dream you're finally getting." Casey said. "He's being a coward. He's being the prick. Don't be miserable because he's being a douche bag! You have me to help you, plus everyone else we work with."

As she said that, Olivia noticed Casey was parking in the precinct parking garage. "What are we doing here?" Olivia asked.

"I have to drop some papers off and pick some up. And I think you should tell Cragen today. It's your day off, so it's less stress. The sooner he knows the better." She said.

Though she was dreading this, Olivia had to agree with her. She nodded silently, and together, they headed in. It was Olivia's day off, but all the others would be working. Of course, just her luck, they were all sitting at their desks when they walked in, and Cragen was not in his office, but talking with them.

"Hey Liv, Casey," Fin called out, giving Olivia a look of concern, wondering why she'd be here on her day off.

Cragen stood, turning around to look, and he too looked confused.

"Liv, what are you doing here? It's your day off." He reminded her.

"I...I needed to talk to you." Olivia said. "You have time?"

"Of course. Come in my office." Don said. She followed him, looking back at Casey who gave her a look of encouragement. He shut the door behind her, offering her a seat as he sat behind his desk. "What's up, Liv? Are you going to tell me why you've been acting strangely for the past month and a half? I know you've been going through a lot with the whole Elliot thing, but you're starting to concern everyone. We're worried." He said gently.

She nodded slowly, but didn't say anything.

"Liv," He said, standing up, and coming around the desk to sit in the chair beside her, "Are you sick? Is something wrong? You know we'll all have your back."

She couldn't do it, find the words to say it to him, and so she reached down to the floor, and slowly pulled the sonogram that she'd been given from her purse, and silently, she handed it to him.

He took it, looking at it. His eyes scanned the top, where it said her name, and they widened. "You're pregnant." He stated.

"With twins." Olivia finished for him, nodding. "Yea."

"Well, I can't say I was expecting that." Cragen said. "But I have to admit, it's better than what we all were thinking. Are you keeping them?"

Olivia nodded instantly. "Yea. I'm keeping them. They're mine, I want them."

He nodded, looking up from the picture to look at her. "Can I ask who the father is?"

She knew it was coming, and she looked away, swallowing back the lump in her throat, fighting back the tears that were threatening to overflow. "Elliot." She whispered, failing as the tears spilled over. "Elliot's the father. He slept with me, disappeared the next morning, and now he won't even talk to me!" She exclaimed, "And I don't know why!"

"Kathy?" Cragen guessed, but she shook her head.

"He dropped divorce papers on her the day after the shooting. We slept together the next weekend. She knows we slept together. I went looking for Elliot, and I told her. She said he just left, and he doesn't wan anyone knowing where he is. I've called him and texted him hundreds of times, and he ignores them all." She said, embarrassed to be crying like a blubbering idiot in front of her boss, the damn hormones.

"He just left you?" Cragen asked, kind of surprised.

She nodded. "He just left like I was some chick he picked up at some bar! He wasn't stupid, Don. We've been dancing around each other for twelve years, flirting and pretending we didn't care about each other as anything more than friends. He knew how I felt, knows it, so how could he just leave the next morning like I was a one night stand!" She shouted, all her anger suddenly forcing itself through. "I thought I was worth more to him than that."

"You are, Liv," Cragen said, "You know you are."

"I don't though. Not anymore." She said shrugging.

They sat in silence for a minute, before he asked, "Are you planning on staying with the squad?"

She nodded, "Yes. I don't want to transfer to computers or anything else."

"Ok. We'll start keeping you in more. You'll be able to question and do stuff here, go to the vics, but I won't have you out around the city chasing the creeps." He said.

Olivia nodded. "Ok. I'm feeling kind of sick." She lied, having to get out of there and clear herhead. "I'm going to head home. Thanks, cap." She said, getting up, taking the sonogram back as he handed it to her, and putting it in her purse. She hurried out of his office, heading for the exit.

"Liv, wait," Fin called out, walking the few feet to where a paper had fluttered from her purse, "You dropped something." He said, picking it up. She turned around, and swore to herself, knowing it was the sonogram.

She walked the few feet back, holding her hand out.

He was looking at it, then looked up at her. "You're pregnant?" He asked, as if not believing it.

"With twins." Olivia confirmed, sighing.

That had caught Munch, Amaro, and Rollins' attention.

"Holy crap." She heard Munch say, and then say, "Ow! Casey!" as she hit him, glaring.

"I have to go." She muttered, turning around to leave again, this time to be stopped by Cragen.

"Liv," He called form the door to his office. She turned to look back at him, and he said seriously, "It's his loss, Liv."

She looked at him for a moment, a few tears escaping again, before she turned and successfully left this time, wanting to just go home, curl up in bed, and cry, while at the same time, she wanted to celebrate finally getting what she'd wanted for so long, and then wanting to go scream at Elliot, since it was his fault she couldn't find it in her to be happy about it.


End file.
